"Fuck!" "Who..?"

Friday! Finally! This week sucked (sucks?) big time. Started workin at a doctor's place on tuesday, annoyed me from the very first minute coz it was always the same procedure and all the needed me for was cleaning up and get lunch. Most of the girls were nice though. One especially, N.

Wednesday I was told I have bad chances to get the job I wanted, which kinda destroyed everything I've been working for since January. Positive thing was that I kinda felt emotions. Even if it was anger, it felt good not to feel only just desepration and fear. I went to my room, locked the door, turned on some acoustic music very loud, sat on my couch and started crying, smoked like a chimney and picked up the guitar later on. Then I wondered when I cried for the last time and enjoyed my anger and sadness (I know this is weird).

Thursday : bored at work after cleaning the kitchen a second time that day, spent almost 2 hours walking around in the city (I don tmind that, but we've snow chaos here, the streets are iced, half-melted dirty snow on the pavement, windy, stormy cold..), just coz my boss wanted coffee beans for espresso. Would you believe it was nowhere to get? Cappuccino, vanilla coffee and all that stuff, but no beans for espresso. After I was done with working I went checking the bus plans and realized I missed my bus and the next one would arrive in 45 minutes. A very loud "fuck!!" slipped out of my mouth. Someone behind me said "who?". Turned around, realizing it was N. who left work a bit earlier than usual. (I wont mention what I thought in that moment.) I explained the whole bus thing to her and she suggested to to get a coffee at the bar on the other side of the street. So we went there, ordering (very huge) latte macchiato. She said she wouldnt know what to do at home anyway. We talked about friends and family, smalltalk stuff I'd say, but it was pretty cool. At some point I asked if she had a boyfriend, she looked down and said "Yes", then looked at me and said "I'm sorry". Now that was confusing. I said something like "ahm what? Was just a question, you know, out of curiousity". I think she knew it wasn't. But hey, I tried.

Glad I can go back to my other job next week. Today I intend to go out but I'm not sure if that will happen. And I guess I'm gonna help B. tomorrow with a 90 person catering, in the evening I might visit J. and O. coz they're having a party... Many plans, no motivation still.

Whatever, all in all I feel better. Not well, but better, and I'm happy about it.

[Picture: oil crayons, 06/02/06]