A better day than yesterday, not a good one, but better. Though a lot at work went wrong (not all my fault). When I arrived at 07:20h I realized the kitchen was flooded by our great new dishwasher. Hopefully it'll work tomorrow again coz I'll be own my own once again and I know shit about what to do without dishwasher and with wet feet.
I fucked up placing an order, I got 15 burger instead of 6, I dunno what I was thinking. I'm gonna pay it, eventhou B. said she would do it. But well, it was me who fucked it up, so I'm gonna fix it, and she already did more for me than she's supposed to. Its gonna be.. *counts* ..18,90 € (Yeah, those are BIG burgers). Too bad I cant even afford a single bus ticket right now.

I wanted to check my scooter coz it's getting a bit warmer and its cheaper than the bus (and faster, more comfortable, ...) but I'm so tired lately that I dont do much after work. Well yeah, not much happening here besides work stories...

March 27th: Bad day.

I officially declare today to my personal "pretending, lying, runaway" - day. Whoever might speak to me today, dont believe a fucking word I say, it's probably not true. Because I prefer runnin away instead of facing.

I'm going back now, running circles in my room, smoking like a chimney and waiting for that day to pass.

Work stories

A hard week is over, for once I'm glad for the weekend. I've huge problems with my back, I think I'll go see a doc and ask him to prescript me some massages (as long as I'm still insurancend with my parents).

We got a new dishwasher and some new rags at work, the guys who installed it left the kitchen all messed up, it took me, C. and B. 3 hours to get it back in shape again (and we're still not done). The thing with the new dishwasher is: It cleans the dishes within 2 minutes (the old one took 1,5 hours), but when it comes out its all wet, so you need to dry everything first. Usually machines like this do that on their own, this one doesnt seem to be able to do so. Or we just did anything wrong, I dont know. I worked on my own mostly today again because due to some communication problems B. had to drive to another city to get out kitchen equipment back, it took the whole day so I spent time with writing lists, bills etc.

I never knew there's lemonjuice in bags. Me and B. had to go shopping for catering and that was what we needed. Plus a lot of different types of sugar. What for? Some british general minister or whatever he is arrives on monday. I'd love to be there, not only coz I know it'll be a lot of stress and B. cant expect help from anyone for that day. But I've school.

Yesterday Linda, my old boss from the beergarden, called me and asked if I wanted to work again this summer. I'm not quite sure, I'm scared it will be too much with work, but I guess I'm gonna do it at least for sundays and maybe saturdays. But it was cool she thought of me.

Contrasts

It's somehow amazing how the weather has impact on people's mood. When I compare yesterday's faces I've seen while walking through the city centre with today's faces you can recognize such a big difference, all just because the sun was shining the day before and today it was all covered again. Anyway.

I worked on my own today again, I probably got a tendosynovitis on both wrist now from carrying beverage bins but it still like what I'm doing. I just like getting home and knowing what you've done, for what is was for and that it made sense. It's for the same reason I liked beeing a waitress. You're bad payed, you worked your ass off, clothes are soaked with sweat and the smell of drinks and food, you execrate the customers for thinking they're the onlyone to be served and not giving tips, but you know without you beeing there it wouldnt have worked out like it did.
I got my timetable for the service center today, I've bad shifts honestly but whatever. It wouldnt be that bad if the internet-nerds could manage to repair my pc account, I could at least use the computer at the center then. But as long as they're not able to do so, my job is to "look nice, be friendly, act like knowing everything". At least it's just a few hours a day.

[Photo by Jim Hayes / www.JimHayes.com]

Sun!

Today I woke up, the sun was shining and it was even kinda "warm" outside. Was very cool, I enjoyed my coffee in the backyard. After that, I got creative, got interrupted by my dad who was trying to get into a conversation with me with letting me drive the car. So I drove through the city, unfortunately I forgot to take a good CD, but it was cool.

[Picture: Acryl colors and marker]

Wtf I'm doing here

I shouldnt be here at the moment. I should be at a bar with mx co-workers, smoking shisha and having fun. I'm sick instead. I hate it, I hate it even more because this could have been the last time with this constellation. But I watched "Joes Appartment" which has always been one of my faves and I was told some hours ago I have good chances to start my apprenticeship this fall.

For those who dont know yet: I managed to install msn messenger again on the laptop (its another account as I cant remember my old password, so you can erase the old one actually). Somethings wrong with this notebook though, I tried a hundred times to connect but finally it works. And the clock shows 16:20h here, wtf. Also, I wanted to install my webcam, unfortunately the software is not saved here anymore and I couldnt find it in the basement. I guess I'll go looking again.

Nothing new these days, besides this week wasnt as nice as the others but I still like getting up for work and people who know me wouldnt believe if I tell. Like I cant believe myself that I'm doing this for 2 months already and that I dislike weekends coz I just dont know what to do.

Somethings ashaming: I found out on friday a good friend of mine is in Australia. Since 4 months or even more. I was wondering why she never called back...

Just some photos

From my walk home, coz I missed the bus...

Just some photos

From my walk home, coz I missed the bus...

Me & the wire

I realised today that I'm actually walking on the wire when it comes to my job or apprenticeship. Because a) I'm stupid and b) I was desperate and c) I was so euphoric to get that job. But I'm gonna take care of that tomorrow and ignore things like I dont have anything on black on white. Just coz its a nice day, its cold but the sun is shining, due to a doctor's appointment I was free after 13:00h and tonight there's a big dinner with the whole family coz it's my mum's birthday. Plus the part of the family I can't stand won't be there.

[Picture 1: Jean Paul Statue / Picture 2: A bridge with my cup of coffee on it, all taken today on my way to the doc]

Spam

I hate spam mails (like everyone probably), and lately I'm getting alot of that. One minute ago I got this one, and I'm glad I did, my life would have been so grey without it:

Update

I havent talked to my dad for more than 2 weeks now. Just one sentence, 3 days ago (He: "Do you eat that?" Me: "Nah"). And I dont care much about it. The onlything that sucks is that I dont wanna ask him "can I use the notebook" or something like that. But today he obvioiusly forgot to hide it / cut the connection. Or he's just tired of ignoring.

For once there's something new in my life, and even a positive thing. I got a job finally. I was told about that on tuesday already but I had no safety until yesterday when I talked to the manager. Well, I'm not employed yet, I'm still doing a practical course and its possible that it will stay like that until september 2007, but these days you can be glad if you only have something in sight. And I'm very glad, eventhough I do understand now people getting huge doubts before marriage (I really dont need another broken apprenticeship, I'm fucking 20) and I already feel huge pressure coz they've big expectations from me. But this is my last chance anyway.

After talking to the manager he gave me 50 Euro "for my hard work". I mean, thats pretty nice, especially coz I knew then that he realized I was hard working. (He could have given me more though, this is my 5th week!! ;) )

Some negative things (of course, as always, but I try to ignore them) came along with the job. One is that J. will get fired coz of me and she doesnt know yet. She still has another job but I'm sorry for her, she worked well and I like her.
If everything goes as planned, I'll be supported by another work agency for september '06 til september '07, I'm still getting the same money but the dont pay for costs of transport (which is about 50 to 60 euro / month in my case). More work, less money.
And the worst thing: My current boss B. will maybe quit her job for a better one she always dreamt of. She has an appointment on wednesday. I'm happy for her, she always told me since I know her that she'd love to work there and it would be exactely what she wants. But I dont want her to leave, she's the reason why I got the job and she taught me everything right from the start. Still I'll wish her good luck for wednesday, but I'm also egoistic and hope she'll stay.

[Photo: 10/03/06, on my way back home]

Just for a minute

I'm not dead, I'm just very busy and I hardly can access the internet at the moment. But I'm happy these days. Most of the time at least.
Thanks for your attention,
L.

I was told he said he wouldn't help me anymore. Fine, I don't care. But he's cutting everything I do and keeps me from acting. Fuck him.